The Aftermath of Job Loss
photo by Derick McKinney courtesy of Unsplash
No matter who I talk to about the group I run, The Aftermath of Job Loss, everyone wants to know the same thing: why are you running this group? I’m always happy to answer that question, but thought perhaps it also made sense to write it down with a bit more detail in case you also have this question. Really quickly, just so we’re on the same page, this group is part support-group, part interpersonal process group, and it’s specifically for folks in California who have been laid off by tech companies. End pitch.
Ok, so why did I start this group? I’ll answer the most obvious question first: no, I have not experienced a layoff personally. But I did work in tech for over a decade and I know a ton of people who have experienced a layoff. In fact, if you have ever worked in tech, you probably also know a ton of people who have experienced a layoff. Layoffs during the pandemic alone were so common and widespread, but what I found when I returned to LinkedIn after becoming a therapist was that the hits have just kept on coming. Layoffs and folks who have been out of work for a year or more were all over my feed, and it seemed like there was a real need for a sense of community in an experience that’s otherwise quite isolating.
I don’t have direct experience of involuntarily leaving a job, but I do have experience with voluntarily leaving a job when it didn’t feel voluntary, and I do have experience leaving a job because it was simply necessary for my own well-being. I bring these experiences up because even when it’s voluntary, leaving a job can be enormously painful. I had to grieve the loss of these jobs, because I was grieving the loss of community and relationships I had, in a lot of ways, relied on for my social needs. I was grieving the loss of what could have been, if only… xyz. And let’s be really clear about this, for folks who are prone to depression, a change in routine (like no longer going somewhere or being online at a certain time 5 days a week) can be really destabilizing. And that’s all true whether or not you voluntarily leave your job.
The really awful thing about a layoff is that, in addition to all of the things I just outlined above, your sense of agency is taken away, because you did not make this choice. And because of that you might feel a sense of powerlessness, and you might also start to question your purpose in life, or whether you’re good enough.
You may not, financially, be in a place to take time off, but here you are. Even if you aren’t ready for another job, you likely feel a lot of pressure to get another job to make ends meet. Perhaps you have a partner who begins to have their own anxiety related to the financial stress, and now you’re feeling that burden, too. Or worse, perhaps you have kids you need to provide for. Or worse, perhaps you’re a single parent with kids you need to provide for. This shit is stressful and existentially threatening.
Perhaps you have a little cushion financially, but nonetheless, you’ve been conditioned, like many of us, that to be an adult you must be a “contributing member of society” and the only way to do that is to “have a job.” If that’s your situation, you may feel worthless, and feeling worthless leads to shame, and shame is the worst of all of the human emotions to experience because it’s not there to tell us anything helpful. It’s just there to drag us down. Or maybe your identity itself is wrapped up in your particular discipline, or perhaps even a specific company (there are still a lot of folks who land at a company and stay there for over a decade). What a shock to the system when such a critical pillar is taken away.
But I also know from personal experience that when it all comes crumbling down around us, we make room for growth. (Whether we want it or not.) It all goes to shit, but that shit can become fertilizer if only we plant some seeds, add a little water, and keep tending the garden.
I left a career and a marriage when it all came crumbling down for me. It was scary and at times I felt unmoored and hopeless. But I had therapy, and I had friends, and I had a community around me to help me find my legs. All of that change was one of the hardest experiences of my life, but it was also the most fruitful.
So that’s why I’m running this group. Because there are so many people who feel isolated by this, who may be judging their own reactions to this, and because goodness this tech job market is noooot great. And because I have faith that in community we can collectively begin to transmute all of this shit into the fertilizer of hope.
